word vomit
by McMuffin
Summary: A story of the asshat realizing his mistakes with McHot, and fixing them before it's too late. Season two of Grey's Anatomy with a happy Addek ending, told by an awesome and non-whiny narrator.


_OMG you guise have no idea how good it feels to choose "Addison" and "Derek" as the characters for this fic. It's been too long since I've written Addek. Too long. Also, sorry for the dig at Mere in my summary. How could I not? I do love Mere in season 6 though, I really do._

_Written when I was camping. Sarcasm and ridonkulousness ensues. Not to be taken too seriously, my other fics are in no way like this. XD_

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So Addison cheated on him. And three days later he's fucking Meredith, well, cute-drunk-blond. And afterwards he feels sick and wants to sneak out, only they're drunk, but not quite enough, so by the time she passes out, he is too tired to sneak away, so he sleeps on her couch. And in the morning she's cute and he's already slept with her and could use a pick-me-up so he decides, _hey, why not flirt with her? _and he flirts. Learns her name's Meredith. Leaves.

First day of the new job and he throws up in the bathroom with a terrible hangover, which later causes him to use his how-to-look-completely-awake eyedrops. He doesn't feel better from cheating on Addie, but then he learns Meredith is working at Seattle Grace, so he thinks _hey, I've probably lost Addie forever since I'm an asshat-ignorant-cheating-cowardly husband, why don't I chase Meredith? _and he chases her. He does need cheering up after all, and this McDreamy-ing is kind of fun in the beginning, but then, oh shit, he actually likes Meredith. Really likes her, and if he wasn't still married to Addie, he'd probably date her. But he's married.

_Damn_.

Although, being married did, _does,_ have its perks. Or, it used to, before he let his go to shit. He used to get things like sex in cars... although, one drunken night he does get sex with Meredith in her car. But he's wishing that it was Addison because this is what they used to do while apprehensively waiting in the street because they don't want to go to visit their parents. Their old cars had almost-black tinted windows. Smarter than Meredith's car.

And then soon he's been swept into a nicer, alternate reality where lavender and elevator kisses and tequila are common. Until Addison returns. Then he doesn't sign his divorce papers because it's the right thing to do for his wife of eleven years. Not because of the aching in his heart. Repeat: not.

Things whirl by with Addison. He spends half his time being a jerk to her, cold, ignorant, rude, because being nice is too much too bear because he thinks back to all the good times and wants to cry, but being McDreamy, crying is not good for his reputation. So he be's McJerk. And spends the other hald of his time resting. Because he has to be hardcore to be McJerk to the woman he (tells him self he does not) love(s).

Oh but he does leave thirty minutes a day to flirt with Meredith because if things with Addison fall apart, he has Meredith to fall back on.

Yeah, he's an ass, he should just choose. But choosing is too much effort, so he's a lazy ass, who likes scotch. And ferry boats. A lazy ass who likes scotch and ferry boats, that's what he is. That should go on his tombstone. Oh and McDreamy. And arrogant. Not that he plans on dying any time soon. He'd at least like he time to get back to the mind-blowing sex he and Addison used to have before he dies, because oh yeah, now they're at the stage of bad sex. And it really sucks.

They were having good sex, and were making an improvement. However just as Derek thinks they may be back to great sex, Mark shows up. And Derek is McJerk - and goddamnit I hit my head on a tree branch when I stood up to get... food. Sorry, I'm telling this story from a tree. Problem? Sorry.l My head hurts. This could get more jargled from now on... moving on. - and he's already fucked things up with Addison from these months of asshat, but then Mark is there and talking to Meredith so he punches out Mark. Because he's pissed at Mark. Not because he's pissed at Mark for talking to Meredith. Let him make that very clear.

But now he's royally fucked things up with Addison. Royally fucked up, because now she thinks that he decked Mark because of Meredith. And I say royally because Derek likes to sound British (British accents get American girls, apparently) and royally sounds British. And also because Royally is worse than Epicly, and it's actually worse than Astronomically Epicly. So, yeah, he's now Royally Fucked Things Up. And he's still being McJerk to her.

Except that he witnesses her tell Mark to go home (he spies this from the Chief's office and he can still read lips from being the only boy in a family of five children) and he swears he sees Mark say something about him being together with Addison.

Then the switch flicks. He has an epiphany. Realizes he's a McJerk. Remembers how he used to be years ago. And vows to change. Because he loves her. (Well, maybe because him being nice will make Addie happy, and a happy Addie does better surgery, which makes patients happy... nope. That's stupid. Because he loves her.) He drags his wife into an on call room and tells her to be home for the night, and then leaves the hospital "sick," to cook a romantic meal. She comes home and gasps. He apologizes for what he's wone, and says he wants to change, will change, but they have to get _everything_ out on the table.

She tells him of Mark, the baby, the affair. He tells her of Meredith, flirting with Meredith, secret walks with Meredith, basically just everything he's done wrong with Meredith.

They don't snuggle in bed that night. or the next night. Or the next, next night. But he does make her waffles every morning. And he stops flirting with meredith. And he builds her the house on the land and they get a new dog. _Their_ dog. Cody. And have three FHBs. Except not the FHBs are not so much Bs as they are Cs. But they are still FH'd. Oh and most importantly, Addison gets an orgasm from him at least once every day_._

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_Addek and 3 FHBs living in the woods, adorable, yes?_


End file.
